if you like me you must not know who I am
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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