Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
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Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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