dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
two words...techno handjob
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
