hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
