maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
