Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
