My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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