I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Be still, my beating vagina.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
