why didn't you poke me back
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
