That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize