Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
