at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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