shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My vagina is officially offended.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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