For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
