i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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