I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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