Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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