Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
