The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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