from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
