Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
