So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
