my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
