at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
