a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
