I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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