we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
