ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
