As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
