So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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