you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
