but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize