I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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