i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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