just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Text me some of your sweat
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
