Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
