so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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