Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
