I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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