I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
