we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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