yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
