Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
