So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
