you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
