my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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