you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
