You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
