On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i was born a porn star she said
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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