please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
