You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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