thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
