You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
