I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
