I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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