If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
